Katherine Shehadeh
At Hands of Local Woman, Biggest Flag Burns
You wonder how we got here
& I am surrounded by surrender. White
ceiling, white walls, white carpet, lying
across a white leather couch. I’m home
sick, just like I will be the day after 9/11.
After Bob Barker gently reminds us
to spay and neuter our pets, but before The Days
of Our Lives begins, news breaks the day in
two. Two teenage boys, clad in black trenches, that
TV pundits will say was inspired by The Matrix
or video games, Marilyn Manson, a split in
the nuclear family, marched their suburban combat
boots right in, to their mostly white Colorado high school,
& murdered fifteen other fifteen-year-olds, who
should have returned home to play video games,
but not the ones that make teenagers
blow the heads off their classmates, bullies,
strangers, selves.
When I return to school, everyone will gush
about a girl who stared down the barrel of a gun & said
yes. Their Christ-loving parents will buy them
the paperback to carry from class to class, spreading the word
of the yellow-haired, modern-day martyr. Soon
they’ll burn their secular cd’s in a Wednesday night coffin
& close the book on this chapter, but not before forking
over ten dollars (cash only) to the green-eyed
youth group leader who incidentally came prepared
with a bagful of his band’s burnt CDs. The Blank
Strong(s) get re-routed to the next town of survivors
who can’t believe it happened there, before traveling to
the next, the next, next. . . .
Before quickly melting away, you get lost
in a cup of robin blue gelato. A table of next-door kids dish
over their first active shooter drills. I’ll never forget
curling myself into a ball like Sonic the Hedgehog
in my construction papered kindergarten class. For years
I had nightmares about tornados, knowing if it can happen
to Dorothy, it can happen to me. My parents, no strangers
to this world, used their desks as shields from nuclear
war. Perhaps we should be ready for the once-in-a-lifetime
flash, because Sandy Hook can’t happen again.
The night after Uvalde I’m startled awake, soaking in
a pool of my own fears. My heart, the wheel,
beeps wildly as their glittered faces spin by: Run.
Hide. Fight. I wonder if this is a heart attack. Stranger things
have already happened.
The next week I turn off the TV, creating a moment
of silence when you enter the room, saving
your kindergarten eyes from the new Strongs™
in this week’s cycle of crying pastors, teachers,
parents, kids.
You ask to watch Bambi & I think this could help
explain how we got here. The quickening wheel
inside me hopes your dad gets home before. Red.
Timeline of this American Life
Do the American Hustle
The American middle school square dance
Do the pledge of allegiance
The American rally round the flagpole
Do the non-denominational (Christocentric) school prayer
Do the do we acknowledge dinosaurs debate
The American STD outbreak
Do the American MMMBop
Do rap music moral panic
The teenage pregnancy epidemic
Do the American stained blue dress
Do deny, deny, deny
Do the American “Yep, I’m Gay!”
Do the American people want [insert scapegoat of that day]
Do thoughts & prayers
The American lesser of two evils
Do hanging chads
The American third-party blame game
Do the American where were you when (I was in history class)
Do never forget
Do thoughts & prayers
The American drumbeats of war
Do deny, deny, deny
Do Support Our Troops signs
Do freedom fries
Do the American drone strikes
Do Bombs Over Baghdad
Do the American “Mission Accomplished!”
Do jumbotron propaganda
Do stars and stripes forever
Do the American cycle of deregulation
The American lose your life savings
Do the push to privatization
Do the American highest per capita prison population
Do thoughts & prayers
The lesser of two evils
Do drone strikes
Do the American corporate bailout
The American lesser of two evils
Do the dark ages
ddddddddddddddddddddddddddd
Do the American lesser of two evils
Do drone strikes
Do deny, deny, deny
Do the American thoughts & prayers
The American drumbeats of war
Do lesser of two evils
Do the (Great) American hustle
